Um...

I was originally getting on here to whine about the stress at present. Why is it that stress makes one want to avoid all stress and therefore end up more stressed because more exists to cause stress? BLAH! I only have a week and a half left of student teaching, and it seems from one light quite simple. I'll finish this, this, and this, and all will be well. Maybe I'll begin getting sub jobs so I can pay off my loan by fall. Maybe something better will happen--like $5,000 drops from heaven:). Or maybe it's better to have spent all your hard work earning it...:)

From the other light, though, it's all horrible, and I'm doomed to failure. Now, I know that I haven't failed anything academic in my life. Well, nothing important. There may have been some quizzes. I'm always managing to get a B or better but always panicked because I, for some reason consistently have zero understanding of where I lie on the scale from 50-100 and am apt to imagine the worst in order to be prepared. Prepared for what? For disappointment. If you don't expect to get 100%, you won't be disappointed when you don't; things can only look up. But somehow I get lost between not expecting 100% and having any realistic idea of what I DO have, so I just imagine that I'm going to fail somehow. I can't help it, I don't think. Maybe I haven't tried. Is this making any sense?


ANYWAY...I said I was ORIGINALLY getting on here to whine on that. Secondly I planned to whine about the fact that I just opened an email from a classmate and that email was apologizing for a prior email (that contained only a link) that is somehow the result of a virus on his computer. Oh, dear. Does opening his emails automatically mean I have a virus, or would it only have happened if I'd opened the link? And how can I ever know? How can I be sure there's not an evil virus floating around? Is it on the camera card that's still attached to my computer? Would it kill the camera? How do I find out? AHHHHHH!

Well, thinking about those two things and how my life is over if my computer dies, especially before next Tuesday (because everything is due Monday), though I THINK all the important stuff besides the video from the camera card has been either put onto Google docs or emailed to myself.......

I'm starting the sentence over because it was clearly becoming too long and I'm in too much of a mood to start it over. Well, thinking about those two things and how my computer might die, I suddenly realized, hmmmmmm, life is FINE. It's better than fine. It's amazing and miraculous. I am loved by a good God who is going to take care of me, regardless of whether my computer dies or I pass student teaching or I have a nervous breakdown between now and Monday. So here's the important part of all this:

Psalm 5:3
Every morning
you'll hear me at it again.
Every morning
I lay out the pieces of my life
on your altar
and watch for fire to descend.

I'm thinking of renaming my blog "The pieces of my life." I have been ever since I first read and wrote down this Psalm from The Message Remix Bible. Because how beautiful is that sentiment? "Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend." It makes me think of Elijah and the fire falling from heaven to consume the sacrifice and the altar in, I think, 2 Samuel. One of those books over in that section of the Bible. As far as I can see, it means I lay out all I have every morning, nothing more nothing less, from the very start and wait expectantly for God to do amazing things, for him to help me do amazing things, just as he did for Elijah and the other prophets. We serve an awesome God.

My blog's first name was Miss Jenn's Ed Tech Blog, because that's how it began. It was for class. It was probably fairly boring. I don't remember--I erased those blogs because they were just assignments. I renamed it "I'll get to that" because I ramble. Constantly. Everything must be said in a roundabout way that gives all the details of everything and everything's mother. That's just how I am, and no, I don't plan on changing it anytime soon. But "The Pieces of My Life." It's appropriately descriptive and also appropriately spiritual with the reference back to Psalm 5. I think I'll do it. :) I actually originally thought, "What a great book title that'd make," but as I have no time for book-writing right now, a blog will do.


In sum, praise God from whom all blessings flow. He is great, he is good, and he will provide for tomorrow.

Soli Deo gloria!